Rewrite
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
On facebook I have a button posted on my corkboard that says "God is writing my life story." I love it because it's one of the ways I like to think of God. . . as master storyteller, plot-twister, dialogue-dancer, script-breather, soul-lover, word-wizard, and best of all. . . "author and perfector of my faith."
I was recently reminded of this "life story" button when I interviewed for a job. It was a much-hoped-for administrative church position that had been on my radar for 3+ months. It wound up being a dead end. Expectations dashed, a three-day funk took over (to the point where I didn't shower and I let my three year old watch cartoons for two days running). Only then did I dare pray. "God, for 7 years I've been begging you for change, and you always seem to take me down the same old path of poverty," I snapped. "What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?"
Laying there on my red couch, watching re-reuns of "Can you Duet," I heard God say, "Rewrite your story."
Now, for most writers "rewrite" is not a happy phrase. It's not a welcome word. It's hard to go back, pick a story apart, re-imagine it, let it morph into something new. It's easier to edit, shift paragraphs around, or simply write a new lead, but to REWRITE?
It feels like starting over.
Hmmm. Now there's a thought.
Still on my red couch, trying to pray my way through this funk, REWRITE broke through cloudy thinking like a ray of sunlight. Instantly I thought, "Yes, Cheri, if you want to start over, you've got to change the story you've been telling yourself (and others). It's all wrong. Check your facts. Rethink God's creative presence in your life. And definitely get rid of the opening line with which you ALWAYS start. . . For the past 7 years. . ."
For the past 7 years. . . What? Things haven't gone my way? I've been on my knees with no response? Everybody else is racing ahead in life and I'm stuck in the ditch?
Not entirely.
Flipping to a clean page in my journal, I started to re-write my "seven-year story." In black marker I scrawled REWRITE in huge letters, thinking "this is my new history."
History: everything that's happened to me in the past.
But also, His-story: God's story, as best I can interpret with simple, earthly, veiled perspective.
Its' been an amazing process. As I rewrite, (in my journal but also in my mind) I'm reminded of God's love. He may be suprising, unexpected, his thoughts higher than mine, but he is also faithful and true. And he's teaching me to a thing or two about what it means to be an author, how to "write [his love and faithfulness] on the tablet of my heart." (Proverbs 3:3)
I was recently reminded of this "life story" button when I interviewed for a job. It was a much-hoped-for administrative church position that had been on my radar for 3+ months. It wound up being a dead end. Expectations dashed, a three-day funk took over (to the point where I didn't shower and I let my three year old watch cartoons for two days running). Only then did I dare pray. "God, for 7 years I've been begging you for change, and you always seem to take me down the same old path of poverty," I snapped. "What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?"
Laying there on my red couch, watching re-reuns of "Can you Duet," I heard God say, "Rewrite your story."
Now, for most writers "rewrite" is not a happy phrase. It's not a welcome word. It's hard to go back, pick a story apart, re-imagine it, let it morph into something new. It's easier to edit, shift paragraphs around, or simply write a new lead, but to REWRITE?
It feels like starting over.
Hmmm. Now there's a thought.
Still on my red couch, trying to pray my way through this funk, REWRITE broke through cloudy thinking like a ray of sunlight. Instantly I thought, "Yes, Cheri, if you want to start over, you've got to change the story you've been telling yourself (and others). It's all wrong. Check your facts. Rethink God's creative presence in your life. And definitely get rid of the opening line with which you ALWAYS start. . . For the past 7 years. . ."
For the past 7 years. . . What? Things haven't gone my way? I've been on my knees with no response? Everybody else is racing ahead in life and I'm stuck in the ditch?
Not entirely.
Flipping to a clean page in my journal, I started to re-write my "seven-year story." In black marker I scrawled REWRITE in huge letters, thinking "this is my new history."
History: everything that's happened to me in the past.
But also, His-story: God's story, as best I can interpret with simple, earthly, veiled perspective.
Its' been an amazing process. As I rewrite, (in my journal but also in my mind) I'm reminded of God's love. He may be suprising, unexpected, his thoughts higher than mine, but he is also faithful and true. And he's teaching me to a thing or two about what it means to be an author, how to "write [his love and faithfulness] on the tablet of my heart." (Proverbs 3:3)
Cheri, those are lovely, tender words from God. Very inspiring. - Beth