Judgment Day
Monday, February 4, 2008
Exactly one week from today, Rich and I will go before a trustee and petition for bankruptcy. If you want to stir up fears of judgment, just think about the very real possibility of appearing before a judge! I've been tearful the past few days. And I find myself covering up in that old, familiar cloak of shame.
At the same time, I've been furiously knitting my new swing-jacket. The back panel is finished, and I'm hard at work on the front right. Yesterday, I was 10" into the pattern when I realized I had dropped a stitch, back at the very beginning of my work. For you non-knitters, this means I have a big ugly gaping hole in my jacket. A hole that will only continue to come undone if not fixed.
So, I had no choice but to unravel several hours of work. Easy to do. But when I tried to loop the stitches back onto my needle at the repair point, the loops were so tiny that the mess became even worse. I'd get one stitch on, and the next one would drop. So, I started over. Completely.
Fine with me. I want a jacket that lives up to its design.
Two hours into my new start, I looked back again and found another, YES another, dropped stitch! More work: Unravel again. Try threading stitches back onto my needle. No luck. Unravel some more. Try re-threading. Yes, got it. . .finally!
All the while I was thinking about persistence. My mistakes were unfortunate, but I didn't mind starting over to get it right. I just kept thinking about the end result, and how lovely the finished jacket would be.
I wish I could see my life this way.
Please pray that I will not hang my head in shame over finances.
I have probably over-exaggerated a sense that others are judging me. There are only a few who have suggested that Rich and I have chosen an "easy" way out, and that we're unwilling to work hard to remedy our problems. I wish I could defend myself, show them the numbers, the range of options we've considered, and prayed about. . . and how we've arrived at where we are today.
But I can't.
And so somehow I need to make peace with the fact that God knows, and that his judgment is perfect and loving.
Psalm 34: 4-6, 18
I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor [wo]man called, and the Lord heard her, he saved her out of all her troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. . . . The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
At the same time, I've been furiously knitting my new swing-jacket. The back panel is finished, and I'm hard at work on the front right. Yesterday, I was 10" into the pattern when I realized I had dropped a stitch, back at the very beginning of my work. For you non-knitters, this means I have a big ugly gaping hole in my jacket. A hole that will only continue to come undone if not fixed.
So, I had no choice but to unravel several hours of work. Easy to do. But when I tried to loop the stitches back onto my needle at the repair point, the loops were so tiny that the mess became even worse. I'd get one stitch on, and the next one would drop. So, I started over. Completely.
Fine with me. I want a jacket that lives up to its design.
Two hours into my new start, I looked back again and found another, YES another, dropped stitch! More work: Unravel again. Try threading stitches back onto my needle. No luck. Unravel some more. Try re-threading. Yes, got it. . .finally!
All the while I was thinking about persistence. My mistakes were unfortunate, but I didn't mind starting over to get it right. I just kept thinking about the end result, and how lovely the finished jacket would be.
I wish I could see my life this way.
Please pray that I will not hang my head in shame over finances.
I have probably over-exaggerated a sense that others are judging me. There are only a few who have suggested that Rich and I have chosen an "easy" way out, and that we're unwilling to work hard to remedy our problems. I wish I could defend myself, show them the numbers, the range of options we've considered, and prayed about. . . and how we've arrived at where we are today.
But I can't.
And so somehow I need to make peace with the fact that God knows, and that his judgment is perfect and loving.
Psalm 34: 4-6, 18
I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor [wo]man called, and the Lord heard her, he saved her out of all her troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. . . . The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
