Cocooning

Sally's recent reading of Song of Songs in response to my sensual poem "Midlife Miracle" [see posts immediately following] inspired me to do my own digging in that same part of Scripture. I remember studying Song of Songs in college, and I've revisited the book since then for various reasons. When Rich and I got married, one of our wedding songs, "Arise My Love," was derived from S of S. The lyrics (taken directly from the Bible) were as mesmerizing as nodding lillies in the morning sunshine. Beautiful, yes, but 16 years later I'm realizing how "religious folk" (including myself) can tend to chasten sexuality, removing all the steamy connatations!

Not this week! Reading the whole piece of literature in one sitting, poem post-partum, I was shocked. Jesus truly is the "Divine Lover of My Soul" (as Sally put it in her recent email.) I found myself jotting notes in a journal, scribbling images that enrapture my heart with fresh meaning, fresh Love. I also sensed God's "YES" to my own boldly stated, but humble poem, and it was all the affirmation I could ever need!

Here are some of my favorite passages from Song of Songs. Maybe they'll inspire you to grab the Good Book and read for yourself!

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth--for your love is more delightful than wine. "
How's that for an opening line, verse 1? There's no question where this book is headed, Scripture erotica!

"Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. He has taken me to the banquet hall , and his banner over me is love." (verse 1: 3, 4) How many times have I heard the popular "banquet" verse and dismembered it from it's true context?

"Listen! My lover! Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills. My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag. Look! There he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice. My lover spoke and said to me, "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me."

(The Beloved and the Lover trade voices throughout the book, and so in the following passages the Lover speaks:)

"Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of a craftsman's hands. Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. Your waise is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies. Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle." (7:2, 3)

"May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine."

And the Beloved says in response:
"May the wine go straight to my lover, flowing gently over lips and teeth." (7:8, 9)

And a possible climax, but this falls early in the book:

"My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him. I arose to open for my lover, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with flowing myrrh, on the handles of the lock. I opened for my lover. . . " (5:4-6)

Okay, even as I type that passage, I'm struck by how R-rated it is! If you missed it (as it's easy to do when we overspiritualize things) go back and read again!

And how is it that I was embarrassed to put such sexy language into my own poem?

There's also a chorus of "friends" that chime in sporadically throughout the book, giving their communal blessing. One could almost imagine them at a banquet hall, clinking wine glasses in cheer:

"Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers." (5:1)

I echo that!

After writing my latest poem, Midlife Miracle, I was flushed with excitement


The poem, for me, expresses recent soul-stirrings not easily articulated in simple straight-forward conversation. But I knew it was provocative, so I figured I better have my friend Sally "preview" it. Just as I was typing the final line into my blog, surprisingly, Sally called. When I told her I'd written another poem, she immediately pulled it up on the computer and started reading while we were still on the phone together.

"What?" she half screamed? "You're having sex with Jesus?"

I couldn't stop laughing. "It's a metaphor, Sal, a metaphor! I'm not really having sex with Jesus!"

She proceeded to tease. "I'm removing the link from my blog to yours. I'll never get another speaking gig again. Neither will you!"

"Good!" I said. "I don't want another speaking gig!" But something in me pulled back with embarrassment. I relented, "Well, I guess I need to tone this down somehow." Later in the conversation, I asked Sally to re-read my poem when she had time and send edits. She's a wonderful writer, poet, editor, and friend. I trust her feedback implicitly.

But before I heard back from her, I started tinkering. For the rest of the evening, the poem sat nestled in my heart as I pulled lines, changed words, and eventually got the text to a point where gone was the "zing."

I shared the changes with my husband, Rich, and he could hear the catch in my voice. "You're sad that you changed it, aren't you?"

"Oh well. . . I admitted. I don't want the whole world thinking the worst." (I know only a handful of you follow my blog--those who know and love me, thanks for that--but, somehow I could imagine THIS poem being read worldwide, with a giant megaphone!)

So, changes to the poem squared away (pun intended-ha!), this morning I received Sally's edits via email. My heart swelled with thankfulness for such a wise, midlife-sharing friend and her comments:


Cher!

I'm sad you changed your poem . . . removed 'sexy carpenter hands' and 'arching back' . . .

Before reading the edits I awoke with images from Song of Songs thinking how apropos that in middle age - when a woman is supposedly at her sexual peak - you are being 'touched' in new and wondrous ways by the Divine Lover of the Soul. I felt compelled to study S of S again (because of your poem) and search for ways the sexual metaphor would invigorate/refresh my own faith and life.

I hope my playful comments about the original poem didn't hurt your feelings. I hope my joking around didn't come off as nudgings to water down your words. Instead, my strong reaction was because the poem rocked me! Its impact was true and organic and real: sensate in the best of ways. It made me think and process and revealed new truth to me the way any good poem does! I encourage you to return to the more powerful language of the first draft.

I love your thoughts and poems; and feel blessed to share this Middle Life renewal with you, Cheri. Thanks be to God for your poetic processing, your midlife metaphors, your virescent (even virile ;) ) verse! May it continue to be bold and full bodied like good wine . . . like YOU!

Love,

Sal

A poem by Cheri




















I am a shifting mosaic
unsure
where all the pieces fit
sure
that some broken parts have been both lost and found

My gypsy soul wanders the wild wilderness
of Forty
circling back and around
daring to walk
bare
the sensuous feeling of mud between toes

a little thrilled
a little scared
of this beautiful, holy, mucky mess

"Help me stand. . . " or maybe I should pray, "Help me stumble"
to my knees
as I stagger from the drink of
New Wine

This morning Rich took the kids so I could have a quiet, much-needed morning to myself.

It was glorious!

I went for a run, listened to some of Mandisa's music, played around on Facebook, and took my coffee outside for a "garden walk."

The plants are so plush and plentiful. I can't keep up with picking the green beans! It amazes me how tenacious nature can be when faced with a shortage of rain, or some nasty fungus that seems to be spreading throughout our overgrown pumpkin patch. By Grace, fruit still persists! Cucumbers, gourds, squash, tomatoes, etc, keep popping up on a regular basis.

There's so much fresh food to enjoy. Rich has breaded and deep-fried squash for the family. He's also concocted various cucumber and green bean salads. The cherry tomatoes are eaten like candy.

Even the squirrels have been feasting on our sunflowers, bending over tall stalks and salvaging seeds, most likely saving them for a winter treat.

Last spring, while we were planting the garden, my thoughts raced forward to when we could SHARE the fruits it would bear. Yesterday, new neighbors moved into the duplex next door. . .the same small space in which we lived for so long. I can't wait to bring them a bouquet of sunflowers and a welcome basket from our recent harvest.

What a joy to luxuriate in God's long-awaited plenty, savoring Mother-Nature goodness.

John 15:1, 4, 5 "I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. . . Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me, and I in him, he bears much fruit; for apart from Me you can do nothing."

My ebullient friend Jeni (right), and her best friend Amanda (left), painted the inside of our house yesterday! The living room is now "brown bread," (the color of the wall behind them) And Jennifer's room is chocolate brown and pink!

Friends of mine from the dinner theater have said they are simply shocked that somebody "offered" to paint for us. With amazement they say, "It's such a big job. We can't believe somebody would do that for you!"

For several weeks now, I've been searching for words to describe the inner and outer transformations we are experiencing. How can a butterfly describe the gift of wings when for so long it has lived earthbound? By God's mercy, my family has come through 7 years of "famine." We're now in a season of "feast." Feast in the sense that God's provisions have been overflowing and abundant--evident in profound and pronounced ways!


Rich and I have experienced a renewal of love for each other. Sixteen years of marriage and the "spark" is still there! And the way we see God handling little details of our lives together (financial and otherwise) has stimulated much shared prayer and joyful thanksgiving.

For me, Ecclesiastes 3 comes to mind frequently:

"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven-- A time to give birth, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted. . .a time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance. . . A time to search, and a time to give up as lost. . . ."

When we filed for bankruptcy in January, we had "given up as lost."It was the appointed time. And now God is guiding us through and to our Second Chance!


There have been blessings on this journey too numerous to count. One simple but surprising example is the fact that Rich came home from work today with a digital camera; a gift from his employer for a "job well done." We've been without a functioning camera for more than a year. And it feels like Sean has grown out of toddler-hood without any way to "freeze-frame" those precious memories.

But now I'm camera-happy! The first thing I did was run outside and begin taking pictures of our new abode, thinking "Now I can SHOW people some of the gifts we are experiencing!"

When words fail, sometimes pictures can paint the emotional landscape of our hearts:



Our split level, 3 bedroom home. We're renting with the option to own!



A view of the backyard from the side yard. We're sitting on approx. 1/2 acre!




We love the over-sized deck!



My friend Rayna came over a week before we moved and helped us plant a garden! It was her housewarming gift to us! I am so grateful, because I could not have done it without her help (I mean financially, AND because I have no clue!) We planted green beans, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, a variety of peppers, squash, and pumpkins!


The kids have had a blast watching things grow, and eating homegrown food! Ryker's checking out our first large pumpkin!




Dwarf sunflowers line the south end of the garden! (Aren't my little son-flowers growing fast too?)





This is one of three perennial beds the former owner planted in the yard. (We need rain!) My biblestudy group gifted the stone cross to celebrate our long-awaited move! It was exactly what I would have picked out for myself! And I was so touched by the meaningful gesture!


My garden-guru friend Rayna also gave us furniture from her front room. (They plan to buy new.) Then, my dear friend Margie provided resources to start making this home our own! New slipcovers, a rug, and a tv stand for the living room! And that's not all! A friend from highschool offered to come over on the 15th to paint our walls a more neutral color! Three more amazing provisions from God! Isn't that cool?




Ryker and Sean share a room. Eventually we'll get this room looking more cozy and color coordinated! The boys want a baseball theme of course! Sean's twin bed was a gift from Grandma and Grandpa for his 4th Birthday! Yeah!



Jennifer is cherishing the privacy of her own room! My sister gave Jen the adorable comforter, and my mom and dad bought her the funky lamp. The lava lamp was a great find from a garage sale! Jennifer picked out chocolate brown and pale pink paint colors for the walls. . . .to be painted on the 15th!

I's God's perogative to give and to take away but no matter what the season, his name is BLESSED! Blessed be his name! Rich and I praise Our Provider for this long-awaited season of plenty! We're laughing, dancing, and gathering stones for an altar of praise!

We feel like we're wearing a coat of many colors!

Thank you Jesus for all you've chosen to give!