They Neither Toil Nor Spin
Friday, November 2, 2007
Ever since my "burning bush" weekend at Women of Faith (for more about that weekend, read previous post Search Me and Know Me), I've felt especially open-hearted and sensitive to Spirit. I sense her loving presence with me. I feel restful, calm, at peace--happy to be right where I am.
At the same time I also feel curious about where God might lead, if in fact my phone will start ringing with unbidden requests for me to speak. Or, if God will let me off the hook somehow. I wonder, Is it possible this was all just a test? Will God spare me the difficulty of following through on this soul-stretching thing, much like Abraham when he was asked to sacrifice his son Isaac? Even though we are called to be "living sacrifices," I confess that my resistant, avoidant, sinful side keeps hoping that I won't really have to lay anything down, or go, or obey.
I've also wondered if God's plan for me to "speak" might manifest in some serendipitous surprising way: like using my skills in a new career, or ministry position, or something of the sort. I've started praying about going back to work full time. Perhaps by next fall?
As I pray and wait and wonder, there's one thing God is affirming. Like the lillies of the field, I don't need to worry, toil, or spin.
Jennifer has been teaching me a bit about this. Ever since she articulated her desire to skate competitively, I've worried about our ability to support her dreams financially. I've had to tell her (and myself), Don't panic. Take this one day at a time. Simply put one foot in front of the other and see where we end up. So, last week, when Jen passed her Beta-level class with flying colors, and was given the "okay" to move up another skill-level, we decided to forego the costly one-on-one coaching her teacher had recommended, and continue with the more affordable group lessons. The only problem? Figuring out a way to buy Jennifer new skates.
For the last seven weeks we had miraculously squeezed Jen's size 6 feet into size 4, garage-sale-find skates. The skates had fit when we bought them two summers ago. And I knew that this year the skates had to be a bit small, but I didn't realize how small until the last day of class when we had to push and pull and force the skates onto her feet in such a way that the problem was more than apparent. (Jennifer loves skating so much, she just never made a big deal about how painfully her toes had been pinched.) With only one week before her next class, I knew we'd have to purchase another pair, fast.
On the way home that night, we stopped off at a Sporting Goods store in our neighborhood, just to consider our options. The store owner told us that figure skates are "pricey" and they can range from $150 to $600 new. He also explained that his store doesn't typically carry figure skates because they are a special market in and of themselves. But, he did have two pairs of used skates we could look at.
One pair just happened to be a size 6.
The price was $40. And even though I didn't have $40 in my pocket, my heart was buoyant because my mom had called me just the day before and offered to give us $40 to help cover fall expenses.
Amazing. God's provisions are always right on time. His plan, perfect and beautiful.
I imagine Jennifer is like a lily of the field.
It must give our Creator great joy to see her glide across the ice with a smile on her face.
Watching Jennifer helps me trust for timely provisions in my own life. Whether I am speaking or not, whether I have a new job or no job, God promises to grow something beautiful in my life--apart from any worrying or toiling of my own.
At the same time I also feel curious about where God might lead, if in fact my phone will start ringing with unbidden requests for me to speak. Or, if God will let me off the hook somehow. I wonder, Is it possible this was all just a test? Will God spare me the difficulty of following through on this soul-stretching thing, much like Abraham when he was asked to sacrifice his son Isaac? Even though we are called to be "living sacrifices," I confess that my resistant, avoidant, sinful side keeps hoping that I won't really have to lay anything down, or go, or obey.
I've also wondered if God's plan for me to "speak" might manifest in some serendipitous surprising way: like using my skills in a new career, or ministry position, or something of the sort. I've started praying about going back to work full time. Perhaps by next fall?
As I pray and wait and wonder, there's one thing God is affirming. Like the lillies of the field, I don't need to worry, toil, or spin.
Jennifer has been teaching me a bit about this. Ever since she articulated her desire to skate competitively, I've worried about our ability to support her dreams financially. I've had to tell her (and myself), Don't panic. Take this one day at a time. Simply put one foot in front of the other and see where we end up. So, last week, when Jen passed her Beta-level class with flying colors, and was given the "okay" to move up another skill-level, we decided to forego the costly one-on-one coaching her teacher had recommended, and continue with the more affordable group lessons. The only problem? Figuring out a way to buy Jennifer new skates.
For the last seven weeks we had miraculously squeezed Jen's size 6 feet into size 4, garage-sale-find skates. The skates had fit when we bought them two summers ago. And I knew that this year the skates had to be a bit small, but I didn't realize how small until the last day of class when we had to push and pull and force the skates onto her feet in such a way that the problem was more than apparent. (Jennifer loves skating so much, she just never made a big deal about how painfully her toes had been pinched.) With only one week before her next class, I knew we'd have to purchase another pair, fast.
On the way home that night, we stopped off at a Sporting Goods store in our neighborhood, just to consider our options. The store owner told us that figure skates are "pricey" and they can range from $150 to $600 new. He also explained that his store doesn't typically carry figure skates because they are a special market in and of themselves. But, he did have two pairs of used skates we could look at.
One pair just happened to be a size 6.
The price was $40. And even though I didn't have $40 in my pocket, my heart was buoyant because my mom had called me just the day before and offered to give us $40 to help cover fall expenses.
Amazing. God's provisions are always right on time. His plan, perfect and beautiful.
I imagine Jennifer is like a lily of the field.
It must give our Creator great joy to see her glide across the ice with a smile on her face.
Watching Jennifer helps me trust for timely provisions in my own life. Whether I am speaking or not, whether I have a new job or no job, God promises to grow something beautiful in my life--apart from any worrying or toiling of my own.
