Eagles Wings
Thursday, November 8, 2007
This season of life is downright exhausting. I'm so tired so much of the time, that I've started wondering if there might be something wrong. Last week, I had an annual physical and I told my doctor that I'm concerned about chronic lack of energy. She said she'd check my thyroid levels, and do other blood work to rule out anemia, diabetes, or something related. But when she heard that I have a three-year old at home, she simply chuckled (a preschool mom herself) and said, "Well, that explains it right there! That'll zap the energy out of any mom."
Her empathy was encouraging. And my tests came back fine. But in all seriousness, my exhaustion level has brought me to my knees. Last weekend, my prayer was: God, I need refreshment. I need a break! I have a couple of days off work this week. . .please help me to use them wisely. I know there are things I often choose to do that I think will fill me up, but they rarely satisfy. So, please lead me in the way that is everlasting.
It was Sunday night when I asked for help, and to be honest, I doubted Yahweh's ability to provide. Because there was this other, competing voice in my head that kept saying, "Yeah, right. Like God can restore you when you don't have any money. Most people go to a B & B, or fly south, or get their nails done, or go to a spa, or buy themselves something nice, or go out to eat to save themselves the effort of cooking. . . .But YOU can't do ANY of these things. YOU don't have the resources required to find refreshment."
Thankfully, I didn't let the voice of materialism have the last word. I simply prayed again, "Lord, I'm utterly dependent on you. With my bent towards trusting money, it's hard to trust that You can restore. But I will seek you alone as my source of strength."
There were plenty of times during the week that I was tempted to fall back on spending money as a false source of refreshment. For example: I walked around the Kohls department store one day with an artsy-fartsy blouse in my hand (marked down to $15.00) wishing I could buy it. Also believing that if I could buy it, somehow I would feel prettier for a party my pastor was throwing, and thus I would be "filled" in some way. But, I put it back. Lord, continue to remind me that only You can restore.
I chose instead to wait on God. His answers to my prayers were surprising. . .
My kids were off school on Monday, and usually a day at home with all three of them would feel like siphoning off my last ounce of blood. Instead, the reverse happened. I soaked up their playful presence like a dry sponge. In fact, I was enjoying them so much, we invited their friends over, too! There were FIVE rambunctious kids running through our small, two-bedroom house, and I actually felt happy, blessed, grateful.
Their youthful presence was such a balm that I started to cry at the thought of them returning to school the next day. Talking with Rich that evening about how much I missed the kids (between my work schedule, Jennifer's ice skating, and church school, we only have one night a week for family time) I actually tossed around the idea of letting them play hookey the following day. Rich said, "Go for it. As much as you miss the kids, they miss you too. But. . . I'll bet you don't have the guts to do it."
He knows me too well.
Tuesday morning came, and like a dutiful mom, I made lunches, zipped up backpacks, and sent my children out the door with a lump in my throat.
All the while, God knew my heart. "'Comfort, comfort my people. . .Speak tenderly to Jerusalem and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed, that her sin has been paid for. . . . See the Sovereign Lord. . .He tends his flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." (Isaiah 40: 1,2, 11)
Wednesday and Thursday came, and Ryker stayed home with a nasty cold. Now I know God doesn't will sickness on our kids, but I saw this as a blessing in disguise. Ryker was sick enough to stay home from school, but well enough to enjoy "mommy-time." We played Crazy 8's, Snap Dragon, Go-Fish, and watched the new release of Meet The Robinsons together, cuddling on the couch. Ryker even had enough energy to play with three-year old Sean, providing me with inadvertent down-time.
For two days, while the brothers raced their cars around the kitchen, played Playdough, Chase, and Hide-and-Seek, I was able to work on a script I've been writing. I also found time to blog, knit, and stare out the window from my blue overstuffed chair, reflecting on the bare-branched skyline and the wintery stillness. (Yes, we actually had our first few snow flurries the other day!)
All of these things, along with a few "homey" episodes of Rachel Ray, were refreshment beyond measure; blessings from a Savior's hand.
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
Isaiah 40: 28-31
Her empathy was encouraging. And my tests came back fine. But in all seriousness, my exhaustion level has brought me to my knees. Last weekend, my prayer was: God, I need refreshment. I need a break! I have a couple of days off work this week. . .please help me to use them wisely. I know there are things I often choose to do that I think will fill me up, but they rarely satisfy. So, please lead me in the way that is everlasting.
It was Sunday night when I asked for help, and to be honest, I doubted Yahweh's ability to provide. Because there was this other, competing voice in my head that kept saying, "Yeah, right. Like God can restore you when you don't have any money. Most people go to a B & B, or fly south, or get their nails done, or go to a spa, or buy themselves something nice, or go out to eat to save themselves the effort of cooking. . . .But YOU can't do ANY of these things. YOU don't have the resources required to find refreshment."
Thankfully, I didn't let the voice of materialism have the last word. I simply prayed again, "Lord, I'm utterly dependent on you. With my bent towards trusting money, it's hard to trust that You can restore. But I will seek you alone as my source of strength."
There were plenty of times during the week that I was tempted to fall back on spending money as a false source of refreshment. For example: I walked around the Kohls department store one day with an artsy-fartsy blouse in my hand (marked down to $15.00) wishing I could buy it. Also believing that if I could buy it, somehow I would feel prettier for a party my pastor was throwing, and thus I would be "filled" in some way. But, I put it back. Lord, continue to remind me that only You can restore.
I chose instead to wait on God. His answers to my prayers were surprising. . .
My kids were off school on Monday, and usually a day at home with all three of them would feel like siphoning off my last ounce of blood. Instead, the reverse happened. I soaked up their playful presence like a dry sponge. In fact, I was enjoying them so much, we invited their friends over, too! There were FIVE rambunctious kids running through our small, two-bedroom house, and I actually felt happy, blessed, grateful.
Their youthful presence was such a balm that I started to cry at the thought of them returning to school the next day. Talking with Rich that evening about how much I missed the kids (between my work schedule, Jennifer's ice skating, and church school, we only have one night a week for family time) I actually tossed around the idea of letting them play hookey the following day. Rich said, "Go for it. As much as you miss the kids, they miss you too. But. . . I'll bet you don't have the guts to do it."
He knows me too well.
Tuesday morning came, and like a dutiful mom, I made lunches, zipped up backpacks, and sent my children out the door with a lump in my throat.
All the while, God knew my heart. "'Comfort, comfort my people. . .Speak tenderly to Jerusalem and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed, that her sin has been paid for. . . . See the Sovereign Lord. . .He tends his flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." (Isaiah 40: 1,2, 11)
Wednesday and Thursday came, and Ryker stayed home with a nasty cold. Now I know God doesn't will sickness on our kids, but I saw this as a blessing in disguise. Ryker was sick enough to stay home from school, but well enough to enjoy "mommy-time." We played Crazy 8's, Snap Dragon, Go-Fish, and watched the new release of Meet The Robinsons together, cuddling on the couch. Ryker even had enough energy to play with three-year old Sean, providing me with inadvertent down-time.
For two days, while the brothers raced their cars around the kitchen, played Playdough, Chase, and Hide-and-Seek, I was able to work on a script I've been writing. I also found time to blog, knit, and stare out the window from my blue overstuffed chair, reflecting on the bare-branched skyline and the wintery stillness. (Yes, we actually had our first few snow flurries the other day!)
All of these things, along with a few "homey" episodes of Rachel Ray, were refreshment beyond measure; blessings from a Savior's hand.
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
Isaiah 40: 28-31
