Cocooning

When I came home from work late Saturday night (Mother's Day Eve), Rich had flowers waiting for me and a small gift: a framed silhouette of an angel and the words,

"BELIEVE in the promise of this day."

Rich is good at living in the moment, and savoring life's small things. And so I don't think he was intentionally referencing my sister's battle with cancer when he made this particular Mother's Day purchase. But, I couldn't help but think about my sister when I placed the gift on my living room bookcase.

The plaque is a wonderful reminder to live each day fully, and to cherish every person God puts in my life. Sue faces her life-threatening illness with courage, grace, and most importantly God-given HOPE. But I think it's her willingness to face mortality straight on (instead of deny it) that helps her to live in the moment, and at the same time believe in her Creator to sustain and heal her. . .to supply ALL her needs. Sue's journey and her willingness to talk about it is helping me to do the same. To trust God with every little detail of my life.

Thinking about how much it would help everyone to face their mortality, I went on a search for the bible verse that says something about our days being numbered, and surprisingly a verse from Isaiah found me instead. It's a verse I underlined last year, on Mother's Day when I was involved in a biblestudy on the feminine images of God:

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See I have engraved you on the palms of my hands." (Isaiah 49: 15-16)

Amazing! Engraved on the palms of God's hands with a promise that we'll NEVER be forgotten. Nurtured and cherished forever by our life-sustaining Spiritual Mother. She is hushing our fearful cries with a lullaby of LOVE. Can you imagine it? YOUR name carved into the hands of the very arms that embrace you?

And so on this Mother's Day, my kids and I did nothing out of the ordinary, but to me it was extra-ordinary: playing kickball as a family, laughing with the neighborhood kids, sitting around our kitchen table sharing Gina Maria's pizza, running to Target with Jennifer for weed-killer (or maybe I should learn to love the dandelions too? Ha!) browsing books at the library, chatting with my mom on the phone, and losing my breath all over again at the beauty of the flowers in our garden.

May we learn to trust our Heavenly Mother with the problems of tomorrow, and BELIEVE in the promise of this day!

There's so much to worry about these days. Making ends meet from month to month, my sister's battle with cancer (with these two things the list is long enough), my youngest son's progress at school, finding a new job. And most recently the viability of our current rental situation has come into question. Needless to say, there's been a lot on my heart and mind, and quite honestly I've been feeling the weight of it all.

This morning a little cup of wildflowers were sitting in my kitchen window. Jennifer must have picked them and placed them there yesterday. They turned my thoughts towards Matthew 6. Moments later, I read my sister's blog about learning to give up control (and the anxiety that comes with it http://www.whatitmeanstobeheld.blogspot.com/). Both were fresh reminders that God is laboring, spinning, growing, and blooming HIS plan for me.

It inspired me to take Sean outside with the camera to capture some of the surprising spring miracles in our very own yard:

The crabtree Sean is climbing will soon be in full bloom! What a miracle in the making! My Great Gardener shall supply ALL my needs. . .

Matthew 6:25-34 "Why do you worry? See how the lillies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these!"

Therefore I tell you, "Do not worry about your life!"

It's been a difficult week for my family. Wednesday before Easter my sister, Sue, was diagnosed with sinus cancer. We were surprised by this news, and have been reeling with questions about what this might mean for her life and journey over the coming weeks and months. One thing we know for sure is that treatment will include surgery to remove the infected sinus bone and to rebuild her face prosthetically. Tomorrow she and her husband, Jason, meet with a team of doctors to learn more specifics about Sue's case and what can be done for this type of cancer.

I am holding a bulb
cradling it with cupped hands
giving it warm breath in a creative cave of
hope

It's dark.
Protectively, my heart hovers
afraid to put it down.
Is it too early? Meant to be?

Maybe it's selfish
and will only yield a self-seeking flower,
Not life-giving
And to put it in soil?

Even so, I bury deep

From 4 to 41! What a journey!

Maybe it's because I have a deep need for personal affirmation and validation. .

Or maybe it's because I've studied the theater arts, and I know the difficult unveiling and out-pouring that comes when giving a character one's own heart and soul, flesh and blood . . .

Or maybe it's because in our society, building others up instead of tearing them down is so incredibly rare.

It could be any or all of these reasons that explain why, when previous-year Oscar winners presented words of honor and thanks to last night's Oscar nominees, I wept.

Seriously, I forgot all about who looked "glitzy" or "gawdy" or "Best-Dressed-List-Glamorous" when celebrities stood side by side in tribes of five, much like a Greek Chorus, and offered carefully crafted thoughts about why each hopeful nominee deserved to be on the Oscar-list.

Who wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of Shirley McClain's wise words to Anne Hathaway? "I think you're an amazing example for every young actress in this business, because you're not afraid . . . you're not afraid to show both your dark and your bright side." Anne received the words with tears in her eyes, and hand pressed over her heart.

Or who wouldn't covet Robert DeNiro's knowing encouragement of Sean Penn? "Tonight it's important to be a great actor. In life it's more important to be a great human being. And that's my friend, Sean Penn." Sean's eyes certainly weren't dry.

I love Goldie Hawn. Her words to Tiraji P. Henson in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button didn't disappoint: "You reminded us that Love is unconditional, timeless, and ageless, and a really very special gift to be treasured. . . and so are you."

Okay, so maybe a few of the presenters were stiff, awkward and "off." Like Nicole Kidman's stoic summary of "The Changling" that left Angelina Jolie without a single buoying word. I have to wonder if Kidman, after listening to the other four presenters, silently panicked because she finally--on stage, with teleprompter starting to scroll--understood the assignment, which was: not to describe the movie, but to commend Angelina's performance in it?

Angelina smiled like she didn't care. But, I wonder if laying in bed that night, she got the funny feeling that somehow even though there was only one award, all the other nominees, but for her, walked away "winners." Ouch. I think we all covet words of knowing praise.

Can you imagine words of blessing spoken over a key moment or season of your own life? And spoken by women or men who've gone before you, people who know on a certain level what you've been through, or who "get" what you're about? To hear the words, "Wow! Look at what you've survived! I honor you. I recognize the hard choices you've had to make. I respect the way you've carried yourself with dignity and grace. How amazing that you stood up when you felt like caving in."

Or words like, "You, my friend, are noticed and valued. The world is better off because of your unique way of living, celebrating, and surviving. Receive these words of honor and hold them close to your heart, because you sooooo deserve them."

Okay, I know that life isn't an awards show. But I thank the Oscar-organizers for giving actors and actresses more than a gold statue. Thank you for honoring all the nominees with the opportunity to hear from their fellow actor's hearts: words of acknowledgement, compliment, and critical acclaim.

And thanks for reminding the millions of us who watched the Oscars, that with our words, we can honor each other--everyday--in the same way.


1 Thessalonians 5:17 "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up."

Before I went to sleep last night, I prayed that God would give me some kind of word, or picture, or sense of knowing regarding my youngest son. I asked for a dream that would show me how to handle him better. How to find peace. How to stop fearing the worst. When my alarm clock went off this morning, sunlight poured through my bedroom window onto my pillow and face. I had no dreams that I could remember, but the song on the radio was By Your Side, Tenth Avenue North. As real as the morning sun was the sense that my "word" had been delivered. It was this:

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

Chorus:
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)

A great reminder that Grace reigns, huh? As I drove my son to preschool today, still nervous about what the day's events might bring, I caught the same song on the radio again. Okay! I get it God! I'll trust that Almighty hands are holding me and Sean, and rest in your Love. Thank you for answering my prayer.

If you want to hear the song, follow this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J95rAr0gOFU

So, after a difficult few days with my son, I finally wrote my Grace-Traits. Being creative helps me to sit still with the mess. . . . (see previous post for details):

Cheri's Grace-Traits:

I want to solve the world's puzzles, or at least die trying. . .

I want to eat all the ice cream in the world without worrying about weight. . .

I want to be whole--2 feet on the ground, and I also want to be holy--heart on course with eternity. I don't think I can be one without the other. . .

I want to love my kids in a way that helps them know for sure. . .

I want to be a giving, loving, good wife. . .

I want to be better at receiving, and opening my heart to True Love. . .

I want to give myself permission to embrace the fairytale. . .

I want to forgive. . .

I want to trust myself. . .

I want to live with integrity--what's on the inside reflected on the outside. . .

I want to quit looking for the stoneless road and celebrate, party, laugh, live a life of joy, right in the midst of heartache and pain.

I want to see "40" as a chance to live what I've learned. . .

I want to be dramatic, passionate, creative and bold without apology. . .

I want to find more adventures. . .

I want people to know how amazing they are, even in all their inconsistencies, and complexities and deep-seated insecurities. . .

I want to be amazing too. . .

Embrace your Grace.


What's on your Grace-Trait list?