Grace Traits: Follow up to Embrace Your Grace

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

So, after a difficult few days with my son, I finally wrote my Grace-Traits. Being creative helps me to sit still with the mess. . . . (see previous post for details):

Cheri's Grace-Traits:

I want to solve the world's puzzles, or at least die trying. . .

I want to eat all the ice cream in the world without worrying about weight. . .

I want to be whole--2 feet on the ground, and I also want to be holy--heart on course with eternity. I don't think I can be one without the other. . .

I want to love my kids in a way that helps them know for sure. . .

I want to be a giving, loving, good wife. . .

I want to be better at receiving, and opening my heart to True Love. . .

I want to give myself permission to embrace the fairytale. . .

I want to forgive. . .

I want to trust myself. . .

I want to live with integrity--what's on the inside reflected on the outside. . .

I want to quit looking for the stoneless road and celebrate, party, laugh, live a life of joy, right in the midst of heartache and pain.

I want to see "40" as a chance to live what I've learned. . .

I want to be dramatic, passionate, creative and bold without apology. . .

I want to find more adventures. . .

I want people to know how amazing they are, even in all their inconsistencies, and complexities and deep-seated insecurities. . .

I want to be amazing too. . .

Embrace your Grace.


What's on your Grace-Trait list?

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Embrace Your Grace

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I need constant reminders that it's okay to be messy, imperfect, broken, and untamed. My instinctive reaction to any sort of unravelling is: Grab on. Double-fist it. Try, try, try to straighten things out (if only in my mind.) When life gets complicated, I'm the one stretched and strung out like Salt Water Taffy.

Lately, it's been issues with my youngest son. He challenges me to get comfortable with "not perfect," "persistent" and "puzzling with no answers." And when I can't figure him out, I have a hard time being gentle with myself and simply letting go.

Last night I was watching a re-run of TNT's Saving Grace. As I fell in love with Grace all over again (the main character played by Holly Hunter) I was reminded to welcome unexplainables and unfixables, to find and live a more ferocious, determined love, to live large, laugh hard, and "embrace my grace."

One of the Saving Grace episode trailers is a clip of Grace--in all of her sensuous, bull-headed, broken, rough-around-the-edges, multi-faceted beauty and complexity--narrating the ways she "embraces her grace." Watching that clip was like receiving a wash of personal forgiveness for all that I'm not and all that I hope to be. Listen to Grace's gutsy honesty:

" I want to bust the world right open, the way you do when you're filled with youth. . . .

I want to engage with people and lovers, family, fellow cops and enemies. . .

I want to be physical and I also want to ask the big questions. . .

I want to taste the taste, and fix the problems. . .

I want to run head-long into chaos and bad guys and darkness and pranks and fun, and laugh, laugh, laugh. . .

I want to be the best friend and I want to be the greatest Aunt. . .

and the most complicated daughter. . .

I want to be the mystery in the room and. . .

I want to be numb. . .

Embrace your Grace."


Embracing grace starts with embracing what's human: Drop the masks. Make the mistakes. Live in the moment (but argue with the state of it if you must). Ask for help. Admit you're wrong about being right. Stammer over the small miracles. Jump for joy when justice prevails. Feel what you feel, but be open to thinking differently.

What would be on your Grace-trait list?

Perhaps for my next post I'll share my own list. I'm inspired. . .

To learn more about my favorite television show, or to see how others are embracing their grace, go to http://www.embraceyourgrace.com/

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Summit Self: A Poem-Gift

Saturday, January 31, 2009


Today, I received a poem from one of my passionate, soul-searching, midlife-loving sisters: Sally.

As a writer. . .she often describes the condition of my soul in a way that surprises me.

As a friend. . .she carries me to the Throne of Grace with prayers I am too "blurred in blue" to say.

Because I have a friend that is a writer, and a writer that is a friend, I am doubly blessed.


Summit Self
a poem for Cheri winter ‘o9

She will climb a mountain
if you tell her which one

Or swim upstream
against tides of White Ruffians
if you take her to the River

She is transparent, bursting,
jammed with wisdom born from
years of surrender and wiping
Emergence is near

Like a mountaineer at the zenith
piercing flag into jagged peak
She’s ready to reclaim Herself
The stake: more about Call than Career
Moment than Momentum

For today, she seeks and asks and waits

You are silent.
Come on! Speak!
Aren’t you Word, anyway?!

She listens, blurring blue another day
Can’t you utter a solitary sound?
Or – at least – take her

Take her to the River
dunk her Summit Self down
deep and when she emerges

Smile a resonant Yes!
on her beauty and gifts and age


Wow! I read and re-read with a lump in my throat, because this is exactly how I feel!

Irreplaceable Friend, thank you for this timely poem. And for believing I can climb mountains and swim upstream. I needed a "knowing" prayer today.

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The Lulls of Life

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

It's winter, and we've hit "sick" season at our house. Within the last week, all three kids have come down with the flu. Which means I've been holding a lot of barf-bowls and washing my hands religiously. It's a privilege to care for my children and their needs, so I'm not complaining. But I'll admit it's hard to stare at the same four walls, day-after-day. Minnesota temperatures have been less than friendly. And on top of feeling quarantined for both weather and health reasons, the economy has forced my employer to be stingy with shifts (in an effort to save our jobs).

Needless to say, I'm feeling the lull of winter like never before.

Thinking about "lulls"--pockets of inactivity--and how we survive (or celebrate) them, has me thinking about one of Sally's poems from our book, Walk With Me.

Sacrament of Friendship

My editor-muse teaches
Life as sacrament
Calling during lulls
In motherhood's deaths and births

A writer-friend of grace and healing
She baptizes with words
Midwife to me
Pruner of thorny bushes

She is a priest of sorts, hearing
My confessions, praying for wounds
To heal -- we minister in stories
For us and others

Her letters come, and I read them
Walking to the park -- Northside
And, again at pond's altar
Tree branches make the cross

Knowing she knows is my
Sanctuary -- we walk and
Will nudge each other through
Weddings and funerals celebrating
The simple things in life

by Sally Pelinka Miller

I've been calling my poet-friend during these "lulls in motherhood's deaths and births." And out of this painfully slow "sick-season," a new project is being birthed.

It's another writing opportunity!

The day Sally proposed the idea, I had a dream that I showed up to work, ready to waitress (I work at a dinner theater). And instead of "serving," my supervisor told me I'd be ACTING on stage. I was quickly fitted for a costume, and I kept thinking, "Wow, I actually get to do something CREATIVE!"

All of this reminds me that there's LIFE to be found in the lulls. . .if we just wait. . . and watch. . .praying for the energy to somehow TRUST, EMBRACE and CELEBRATE.

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Michael Card's Jesus is the Jubilee

Friday, January 2, 2009



Great song about the Jubilee (related to my last post!) You might want to forward past Michael's introductions of the band.

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Jesus is the Jubilee!

Sunday, December 28, 2008


It was during a summer sermon series that I first heard of the Jewish celebration called Year of the Jubilee. The pastor at the time made quick reference to Jewish law, and my interest in this radical celebration that came but once every 50 years was piqued.

How perfect that in a candle-lit sanctuary on Christmas Eve, advent wreaths FULLY aglow, my tiny taste of Jubilee was further satiated.

Here's some background on what I'll call "The Poor People's Party":

In Leviticus 25, God commanded the children of Israel to celebrate a year of jubilee for fifty years. This was to a be a time of renewal when the people could be made free of the obligations they had contracted for themselves and for their land. As long as jubilee was practiced, families in Israel did no have to worry about chronic poverty, because they all got a piece of the land.

After the Israelites had spend 80 years as slaves in Egypt, Moses led them out of bondage into the land of Canaan. When they finally made it into Canaan, each tribe and each family was given a piece of the land as a hereditary possession. Since the vast majority of the people who lived prior to the Industrial Revolution were landless, the provision that every family would have their own land to use for their own needs was a remarkably egalitarian and empowering one. It meant that the Israelites had no serf class and no noble class.

Of course, families sometimes fell on hard times and they were sometimes forced to sell all or part of their land to pay their debts. Failing that, they sometimes had to sell themselves or their children into slavery. Thankfully, the Law also provided that a kinsmen redeemer, a close relative, could pay off the debt and buy back the land or buy their family member out of slavery. Of course, not everyone had a relative who was able or willing to pay off their debts, so some people remained doomed to bondage. That is why the Law also provided for a year of jubilee.

Every 50 years, the Israelites were supposed to celebrate a year long festival called the Jubilee. As part of those festivities, all land reverted back to its original owners and all Hebrew slaves were freed. Thus, Jubilee prevented economic hardships from being hereditary. Even if a family fell on hard times, it could start over in less than 50 years. As one might expect, this was a popular holiday for the poor.


The pastor who spoke Christmas Eve also included in the mandate: setting prisoners free. So debts were to be forgiven, land returned to rightful owners, and criminals released. Can you imagine? For many folks, especially those "well to do," Jubilee must have been a major sacrifice, an upsetting season to celebrate. Which is why many didn't observe the Jubilee. It was a major undoing of systems and acceptable norms. Can you imagine: to stop expecting payment from someone whose debts to you were deep? To give back land on which you'd lived for an entire life? To release those who'd broken the law, potentially some who were dangerous, when you'd worked so hard to be faithful? To celebrate the Year of the Jubilee was to allow one's world to be rocked to the core.

How amazing that according to Jewish timetables, the year of Jesus' death and resurrection was a Jubilee Year. In fact, prior to his death Jesus stood before the synogogue of his home town and read the scrolls, proclaiming the Jubilee. He read Isaiah 61:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor. . . . (JUBILEE!)

Jesus = Jubilee= good news for the poor, or for anyone needing a major upheaval to the "expected" way of things.

Religious types may not have kept the Jubilee, but Jesus did (and does)! Today and every day, we can find freedom because the Lord has declared favor over our lives! We are forgiven, set free, released from darkness. . . our broken hearts bound!

This year seems to be my family's Jubilee. I'm eager to participate and reciprocate. This 2009, may LOVE inspire a true somersault of spirit. May I allow JESUS to challenge and undo the predictable systems, schedules, and patterns in my life.

May we all know freedom in a way that sets others free!

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Christmas Queso - an online Christmas letter of sorts

Thursday, December 4, 2008

At this very moment, while I'm writing and Sean is napping, my crockpot is full of Velveeta cheese, Monterey Jack, diced tomatoes, chili's and jalapenos, all bubbling together for this evening's festivities. Jennifer has a school concert, and I don't have to work, so Rich agreed to help me throw a family party. We'll unpack our Fontanini creche, decorate the tree, read some Christmas stories (my new favorite is Great Joy by Kate DiCamillo) and enjoy some snacky soul food (chips and cheese) before heading to school to hear Jen sing.

My heart is warmly anticipating the evening. God is with us, and so time together will be "good" no matter how the scene unfolds. But in all reality it'll be less Norman Rockwell, and more like National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Sean will probably be crabby (he's fighting a cold). I'm sure to get frustrated keeping our coughing four-year old "quiet" and "in-his-seat" for the concert. There will be the usual bickering between Jennifer and Ryker. And Rich, battling a sinus infection, will smile in his good-natured way and hang on for the holiday ride with a box of Kleenex in hand.

I can't help but think: life is a lot like Christmas Queso. It's one of the reasons I've refrained from blogging these past few months. Because it's hard to separate out my sticky, gooey melting pot of thoughts, experiences, and feelings. And Queso is a messy dish to serve. So rather than try and give you a Martha Stewart version of our lives, I'll simply list individual ingredients like a recipe:

The Mueller Melting Pot:

1) Sean is definitely the spice in our lives. Several weeks ago, he went through an Early Childhood screening process for the school district. Through this assessment, it was determined he is delayed in several areas (behavioral and socially, gross motor, fine motor) and recommendations were made for him to start preschool. Rich and I have always wanted preschool for Sean, but we have been unable to afford the involved costs. I've prayed so much for this little guy, and have struggled with guilt about not being able to provide for his needs. Thankfully, though--through this unexpected turn of events--I am reminded that God ALONE is our PROVIDER. He is making a way for Sean when it seemed there was no way!

2) We are enjoying the space in our new home. This year's Thanksgiving experience was so much different than past gatherings in our miniature two-bedroom duplex. So much space to move! More than two people could be in the kitchen at once! Family members were able to spread out!! It was wonderful! I think the house, and the divine set of circumstances that brought it about, is still one of the things for which I am most thankful.

3) At the same time, my heart's been bursting with compassion for people who have no homes. Shane Claiborne's book, The Irresistable Revolution, is high on my list of recommended reading. He writes about living out faith in Christ by being an "ordinary radical," which he describes as someone actively bridging gaps between the rich and poor, not just missionally, but daily, relationally, daringly. His book, combined with my own brushes with poverty, have set my heart on fire. It's this holy fire that seems to be housing and heating up all the other ingredients of my life.

4) Rich's grandmother, Mary, died on the 23rd of November. We left on Thanksgiving day to attend the funeral in Chicago. Visiting Rich's family (after a too-long, two years apart) filled our hearts beyond measure, but also reminded us how hard it is when family is scattered around the country. Our stay was way too short, and we miss them all terribly.

5) The struggle continues to figure out how I can best serve my family's financial needs. My regular hours at the dinner theater are being cut due to the recessing economy. So once again we're in a financial pinch. Rich and I constantly pray for wisdom and direction regarding my job and where to spend our money. Through prayer, though, it seems our worries are slowly shifting away from ourselves to greater concerns for the world.

All in all, we're so thankful for ALL the different ingredients in our lives. When each part is separated out and looked at individually, it may not seem "good" or like a necessary part of the recipe. But, we are trusting that through Christ "all things hold together" (Colossians 1:17).















MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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