Christmas Confessions
Friday, December 21, 2007
There are four more days until Christmas, and I have one last evening at the dinner theater before I reach the clearing. That blessed open Christmas meadow stumbled upon after a long tangled walk through the thicket.
I guess I'm not the only one whose been feeling crabby.
I think I've been closed off mostly because I'm disappointed and angry with myself. As we proceed with bankruptcy plans, I've been full of self-judgment and fear about the future. Unforgiveness for myself has turned into impatience with others. I'm quick to snap at Rich and the kids. I've wanted to retreat from family and friends, hide out, in an attempt to carve out some solace.
However, yesterday I discovered that my real need was not solace, but confession. Repentence--sharing my angst and angry misteps with a close friend--has helped cleanse, renew, and open my heart. Truth-telling tears have brought me home again, to my center, where God resides.
It seems that during Advent we are not the only ones who wait. In our deepest parts God waits, ready to prune, prepare, and restore. While we are tying packages with ribbon and string, He's wrapping gifts that are LIFE-giving!
Is there anything you need cleared from your path to the manger?
"John was a voice shouting from the barren wilderness, 'Prepare a road for the Lord to travel on! Widen the pathway before him! Level the mountains! Fill up the valleys! Straighten the curves! Smooth out the ruts! And then all mankind shall see the Savior sent from God!'" (Luke 3:4-6)
For me, Advent has been an overgrown thicket because in these last four weeks I've had difficulty staying present to people, to God, and to my own heart. This morning, just after I dropped my older kids off at school, my youngest son blurted from the backseat of the car, "Mommy, I don't like people." I laughed out loud as if to say, "I totally understand, Sean! Sometimes I don't like people either!"
I guess I'm not the only one whose been feeling crabby.
I think I've been closed off mostly because I'm disappointed and angry with myself. As we proceed with bankruptcy plans, I've been full of self-judgment and fear about the future. Unforgiveness for myself has turned into impatience with others. I'm quick to snap at Rich and the kids. I've wanted to retreat from family and friends, hide out, in an attempt to carve out some solace.
However, yesterday I discovered that my real need was not solace, but confession. Repentence--sharing my angst and angry misteps with a close friend--has helped cleanse, renew, and open my heart. Truth-telling tears have brought me home again, to my center, where God resides.
It seems that during Advent we are not the only ones who wait. In our deepest parts God waits, ready to prune, prepare, and restore. While we are tying packages with ribbon and string, He's wrapping gifts that are LIFE-giving!
Is there anything you need cleared from your path to the manger?
"John was a voice shouting from the barren wilderness, 'Prepare a road for the Lord to travel on! Widen the pathway before him! Level the mountains! Fill up the valleys! Straighten the curves! Smooth out the ruts! And then all mankind shall see the Savior sent from God!'" (Luke 3:4-6)
We are that road! Come home to your personal path and take a look around. Tell the truth about what you find there. The Lord's back is broad, able to remove anything that hinders your way! Now is the time to receive his widening, straightening, filling, rut-smoothing gifts--GRACE, LOVE, PEACE, JOY!
