Hustling God
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
I've started reading a new book, called Hustling God, by M. Craig Barnes, subtitled Why we Work so Hard for what God wants to Give (Zondervan, 1999). I found it at my local library, and of course the title jumped right off the shelf at me. When I picked it up and thumbed through a few pages, I discovered it draws from the biblical story of Jacob, whose name means "striver, schemer, supplanter, hustler."
I've always identified with Jacob--especially the part of his story when he wrestles with the angel, insisting he won't quit until God chooses to bless him. It seems I'm always "wrestling" with God, arguing, asking questions. . . muscling my way to a deeper understanding of why life is the way it is, wrangling for a sense of peace, hope, blessing.
In the first chapter, Born To Strive, Barnes opens the book with:
"Everybody has a dream. Perhaps you don't even know exactly what the dream is, but still it runs your life. Your dream is what gets you up in the morning. It is what you pursue every day of your life. The dream is what drove you to leave your parents' home, get an education, and find a job. It's the reason you moved from one city to another. It led you into relationships, and it led you out of them. Every important decision you have made in life has been determined by how close it gets you to the dream. The problem is that the dream keeps moving. It's a hard thing to catch.
"Sometimes we find that other people are living our dreams. Everywhere they turn, our dreams come true for them! That's how Jacob viewed Esau. Esau stumbled into every blessing the world had to offer and took it all for granted.
"For the rest of us, life is a chore. We have to strive to realize our dreams. That is why we can easily relate to Jacob. His story describes how life really is for those of us who are determined to make something of our lives. Believing that nothing is naturally coming our way, we determine to go out and make our dreams come true.
"I know now that is the best way in the world to mess up your life.
"The only good dreams come from God. And God insists on simply giving them to us. The most important dreams are blessings such as being loved, having a child, discovering your purpose in life, or finding a friend who will stick with you through anything, even the truth. Yet, if we insist on hunting down these sacred gfits, we prevent ourselves from enjoying them. In fact, that is what happens every time we try to earn what we can only receive as a blessing. . . ."
I confess that I'm a "hunter" of sacred gifts. I've known this for years--and I'm slowly learning it's a role that works against me--but, I still have a hard time with messages that say, "wait, "be still," "trust." Because when circumstances don't line up with my own expectations, I'd rather use my own ambition, skills, persistence to make things happen. And it all goes back to that deep-seated feeling that I'm the only one looking out for me. That if I don't hunt down the blessing, I'll never experience it. It will never come.
Jacob was the same way. God gave his mother a promise while he and his twin brother were in the womb, that even though Jacob would be born a second son, he would be given the oldest son's birthright. But, Jacob lived his whole life feeling that the blessing was something for which he had to work, scheme, plan--and eventually he felt so dejected, he duked it out with a heavenly-wrestler with wings!
So much of my spiritual journey has been learning Grace. Discovering how NOT to fight--to rest, trust, live in the moment, accept, surrender. Even with our recent financial struggles, I've had to resist the instinct to run, push, persist, and instead--simply wait, slow down. God often has to remind me to "breathe" and "believe." Because, everything in me wants to just fix problems. Fast. I feel disoriented, lost, confused. . . and maybe the best thing to do when this happens is to simply stop, and to stay right where I am.
It's the same thing I tell my kids when in an unsafe public place. "If you get lost, don't run around looking for me. Just stay right where you are, and I'll come find you." (Because heaven forbid they go wandering off to some part of the mall, or market, or park, or fair where I won't know to look for them.) And I'm pretty sure God is the same way. He comes to us. He looks for us. We don't have to figure out the "right" direction, or the "right" road. Because how would we recognize it anyway? We are so like sheep who have gone astray.
Later in the chapter Born to Strive, Barnes says, "One of the Hebrew words for blessing is ashar. It means 'to be made happy on the right path.' When Jesus used the word 'blessed' in the Beatitudes he claimed that the right path was the opposite one from the one we would expect. 'Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. . . .Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.' He would also have said, 'Blessed are the receivers, for they know they are cherished.' The right path isn't the road we climb up, it is the road that God climbs down to bless us.
All of this is just another timely reminder that I'm right where God wants me. Life might seem pretty messy and mixed up, but, I'm on the right road. God is climbing down it to bless me. In fact, I've already been blessed. Like Jacob, the birthright has been mine all along.
I've always identified with Jacob--especially the part of his story when he wrestles with the angel, insisting he won't quit until God chooses to bless him. It seems I'm always "wrestling" with God, arguing, asking questions. . . muscling my way to a deeper understanding of why life is the way it is, wrangling for a sense of peace, hope, blessing.
In the first chapter, Born To Strive, Barnes opens the book with:
"Everybody has a dream. Perhaps you don't even know exactly what the dream is, but still it runs your life. Your dream is what gets you up in the morning. It is what you pursue every day of your life. The dream is what drove you to leave your parents' home, get an education, and find a job. It's the reason you moved from one city to another. It led you into relationships, and it led you out of them. Every important decision you have made in life has been determined by how close it gets you to the dream. The problem is that the dream keeps moving. It's a hard thing to catch.
"Sometimes we find that other people are living our dreams. Everywhere they turn, our dreams come true for them! That's how Jacob viewed Esau. Esau stumbled into every blessing the world had to offer and took it all for granted.
"For the rest of us, life is a chore. We have to strive to realize our dreams. That is why we can easily relate to Jacob. His story describes how life really is for those of us who are determined to make something of our lives. Believing that nothing is naturally coming our way, we determine to go out and make our dreams come true.
"I know now that is the best way in the world to mess up your life.
"The only good dreams come from God. And God insists on simply giving them to us. The most important dreams are blessings such as being loved, having a child, discovering your purpose in life, or finding a friend who will stick with you through anything, even the truth. Yet, if we insist on hunting down these sacred gfits, we prevent ourselves from enjoying them. In fact, that is what happens every time we try to earn what we can only receive as a blessing. . . ."
I confess that I'm a "hunter" of sacred gifts. I've known this for years--and I'm slowly learning it's a role that works against me--but, I still have a hard time with messages that say, "wait, "be still," "trust." Because when circumstances don't line up with my own expectations, I'd rather use my own ambition, skills, persistence to make things happen. And it all goes back to that deep-seated feeling that I'm the only one looking out for me. That if I don't hunt down the blessing, I'll never experience it. It will never come.
Jacob was the same way. God gave his mother a promise while he and his twin brother were in the womb, that even though Jacob would be born a second son, he would be given the oldest son's birthright. But, Jacob lived his whole life feeling that the blessing was something for which he had to work, scheme, plan--and eventually he felt so dejected, he duked it out with a heavenly-wrestler with wings!
So much of my spiritual journey has been learning Grace. Discovering how NOT to fight--to rest, trust, live in the moment, accept, surrender. Even with our recent financial struggles, I've had to resist the instinct to run, push, persist, and instead--simply wait, slow down. God often has to remind me to "breathe" and "believe." Because, everything in me wants to just fix problems. Fast. I feel disoriented, lost, confused. . . and maybe the best thing to do when this happens is to simply stop, and to stay right where I am.
It's the same thing I tell my kids when in an unsafe public place. "If you get lost, don't run around looking for me. Just stay right where you are, and I'll come find you." (Because heaven forbid they go wandering off to some part of the mall, or market, or park, or fair where I won't know to look for them.) And I'm pretty sure God is the same way. He comes to us. He looks for us. We don't have to figure out the "right" direction, or the "right" road. Because how would we recognize it anyway? We are so like sheep who have gone astray.
Later in the chapter Born to Strive, Barnes says, "One of the Hebrew words for blessing is ashar. It means 'to be made happy on the right path.' When Jesus used the word 'blessed' in the Beatitudes he claimed that the right path was the opposite one from the one we would expect. 'Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. . . .Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.' He would also have said, 'Blessed are the receivers, for they know they are cherished.' The right path isn't the road we climb up, it is the road that God climbs down to bless us.
All of this is just another timely reminder that I'm right where God wants me. Life might seem pretty messy and mixed up, but, I'm on the right road. God is climbing down it to bless me. In fact, I've already been blessed. Like Jacob, the birthright has been mine all along.
