Ben & Jerry's, Blogging, & Bankruptcy
Monday, September 3, 2007
Hang on to your seats, friends. I'm going to be painstakingly honest. I started this blog as a way to process my "stuff," because writing helps me think. And now that I've been blogging for a little over a month, I've realized how long I must have been holding things in regarding my personal/emotional/financial struggles. Speaking out, unraveling my tangled thoughts and questions online, has been strangely healing. And the loving response of others has helped immensely.
Before blogging, the cultural (familial?) taboo of speaking about the particulars of money is one of the things that kept me silent. Also, a personal sense of failure and shame. And both of those reasons are now rearing their ugly head, tempting me to hide the truth and to skip over the real dealings of mine and Rich's lives. I guess I'm fearful of judgment, or-- even worse-- silence from people whom I imagine are pretending our situation is "not that bad."
But, when bankruptcy beings to look like a hopeful welcomed mercy, you know things are BAD. So here's the story:
Tonight, Rich and I got into an argument over money. I think our lives have been off the stress charts for years now, but strangely enough, we rarely fight about money. We've always been on the same page regarding financial plans and we share the same desire and commitment to achieving a debt free life. But tonight, as we sat down to discuss how we were going to deal with our medical bills (accrued during this last season without insurance) something in the two of us snapped. Perhaps it was because we both crashed into a mutual understanding at the same time --that the only answers available to us would mean, once again, increasing our debt, or asking for help. And both of those options suck.
We will not add to our debt.
And so after crying my head off, buying a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and deciding that I would blog, Rich and I sat down again to talk about where we might find help.
We've already researched debt management programs. We talked to two different agencies, both whom reviewed the pertinent details of our financial life. The programs were similar. They suggested they could help us pay down our debt in about 5 years, but the consolidated payment we'd have to give them every month would be GREATER than what we now pay to our creditors. The reason has to do with the particular creditors with whom we are working. The debt mgmt counselors said that neither of them are very accomodating, and they wouldn't be able to negotiate much more of a reduction in our already low interest rates.
Plus, with any debt mgmt program our credit would take a hit for seven years. Considering that we currently have excellent credit--not a single late payment on anything--that hurts!
We've been "sitting" on the debt mgmt option, prayerfully, but neither of us are too excited about it. The only thing that was encouraging about the process was when the debt counselor said that we are doing an EXCELLENT job with our current budget. She couldn't make any recommendations as to where we should be cutting costs. Since nobody else knows the particulars of our situation, it felt good to have someone with experience in this arena affirm our faithfulness to doing what is right--making things work.
Even though our budget is on target, the reality is we still struggle to make ends meet. Going with a debt mgmt plan that increases our monthly expenses doesn't seem like a good answer, especially when we can't put anything into savings or into a 401k. Where will we be in a week/month/year or two when some crisis happens for which we are unprepared? This has been the story of our lives. In other words, our financial "squeeze" will still not be alleviated, and could potentially worsen given anything unexpected.
We could consolidate, again. We've been doing this repeatedly over the last several years, to transfer our debt from the first season of unemployment to more manageable interest rates. It helped. A lot. Until Rich was hit with another season of unemployment. Last week, we actually applied for a loan that would pay off our total debt in 8 years. We'll find out if we've been approved in another few days. No hit to the credit. But, also no solutions regarding making ends meet. We still won't be able to tuck anything into savings or a retirement fund. But, it's a temporary step in the right direction. It doesn't address our medical bills.
Which brings us to the reason Rich and I were arguing in the first place. How do we deal with these medical bills? We're running out of time. One of them is at 60 days past due.
We talked about contacting CAP (a local social service agency) to see if they would pay our rent for one month, which would free up money to pay the medical bills. Definitely an option. I'll call tomorrow.
I could go back to work full time. I've been out of the social work field for six years. It's likely I'd have to start at the bottom of the totem pole somewhere in order to work my way back up to a leadership position. I applied to a bunch of mgmt positions this winter, and didn't get a single bite. Considering what I make at the dinner theater, starting at the bottom wouldn't be an increase in income. And then I'd have to put Sean in day care full time, and pay for after-school-care costs for both Jen and Ryker. I have a degree in teaching, but I can't teach in Minnesota without going back to school. Again, not feasible for our budget right now. And adding more loans doesn't feel right.
As we hashed out our options, I kept thinking how I wished there was a SEVERE MERCY available to us. And then, suddenly the idea of bankruptcy came to mind. A ten year hit to the credit record, but without such an undeserved grace we would never be in a position to buy a house within that time frame anyway. . . because we'd be too busy paying down debt.
We've started researching bankruptcy attorneys. And Rich called his dad who filed for commercial bankruptcy at one point in his life. Please pray for us. . .that we might have wisdom from above and a clear sense of what we should do.
To have our slate wiped clean? At this point, I can only dream. . . .
Before blogging, the cultural (familial?) taboo of speaking about the particulars of money is one of the things that kept me silent. Also, a personal sense of failure and shame. And both of those reasons are now rearing their ugly head, tempting me to hide the truth and to skip over the real dealings of mine and Rich's lives. I guess I'm fearful of judgment, or-- even worse-- silence from people whom I imagine are pretending our situation is "not that bad."
But, when bankruptcy beings to look like a hopeful welcomed mercy, you know things are BAD. So here's the story:
Tonight, Rich and I got into an argument over money. I think our lives have been off the stress charts for years now, but strangely enough, we rarely fight about money. We've always been on the same page regarding financial plans and we share the same desire and commitment to achieving a debt free life. But tonight, as we sat down to discuss how we were going to deal with our medical bills (accrued during this last season without insurance) something in the two of us snapped. Perhaps it was because we both crashed into a mutual understanding at the same time --that the only answers available to us would mean, once again, increasing our debt, or asking for help. And both of those options suck.
We will not add to our debt.
And so after crying my head off, buying a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and deciding that I would blog, Rich and I sat down again to talk about where we might find help.
We've already researched debt management programs. We talked to two different agencies, both whom reviewed the pertinent details of our financial life. The programs were similar. They suggested they could help us pay down our debt in about 5 years, but the consolidated payment we'd have to give them every month would be GREATER than what we now pay to our creditors. The reason has to do with the particular creditors with whom we are working. The debt mgmt counselors said that neither of them are very accomodating, and they wouldn't be able to negotiate much more of a reduction in our already low interest rates.
Plus, with any debt mgmt program our credit would take a hit for seven years. Considering that we currently have excellent credit--not a single late payment on anything--that hurts!
We've been "sitting" on the debt mgmt option, prayerfully, but neither of us are too excited about it. The only thing that was encouraging about the process was when the debt counselor said that we are doing an EXCELLENT job with our current budget. She couldn't make any recommendations as to where we should be cutting costs. Since nobody else knows the particulars of our situation, it felt good to have someone with experience in this arena affirm our faithfulness to doing what is right--making things work.
Even though our budget is on target, the reality is we still struggle to make ends meet. Going with a debt mgmt plan that increases our monthly expenses doesn't seem like a good answer, especially when we can't put anything into savings or into a 401k. Where will we be in a week/month/year or two when some crisis happens for which we are unprepared? This has been the story of our lives. In other words, our financial "squeeze" will still not be alleviated, and could potentially worsen given anything unexpected.
We could consolidate, again. We've been doing this repeatedly over the last several years, to transfer our debt from the first season of unemployment to more manageable interest rates. It helped. A lot. Until Rich was hit with another season of unemployment. Last week, we actually applied for a loan that would pay off our total debt in 8 years. We'll find out if we've been approved in another few days. No hit to the credit. But, also no solutions regarding making ends meet. We still won't be able to tuck anything into savings or a retirement fund. But, it's a temporary step in the right direction. It doesn't address our medical bills.
Which brings us to the reason Rich and I were arguing in the first place. How do we deal with these medical bills? We're running out of time. One of them is at 60 days past due.
We talked about contacting CAP (a local social service agency) to see if they would pay our rent for one month, which would free up money to pay the medical bills. Definitely an option. I'll call tomorrow.
I could go back to work full time. I've been out of the social work field for six years. It's likely I'd have to start at the bottom of the totem pole somewhere in order to work my way back up to a leadership position. I applied to a bunch of mgmt positions this winter, and didn't get a single bite. Considering what I make at the dinner theater, starting at the bottom wouldn't be an increase in income. And then I'd have to put Sean in day care full time, and pay for after-school-care costs for both Jen and Ryker. I have a degree in teaching, but I can't teach in Minnesota without going back to school. Again, not feasible for our budget right now. And adding more loans doesn't feel right.
As we hashed out our options, I kept thinking how I wished there was a SEVERE MERCY available to us. And then, suddenly the idea of bankruptcy came to mind. A ten year hit to the credit record, but without such an undeserved grace we would never be in a position to buy a house within that time frame anyway. . . because we'd be too busy paying down debt.
We've started researching bankruptcy attorneys. And Rich called his dad who filed for commercial bankruptcy at one point in his life. Please pray for us. . .that we might have wisdom from above and a clear sense of what we should do.
To have our slate wiped clean? At this point, I can only dream. . . .
