Cocooning

On facebook I have a button posted on my corkboard that says "God is writing my life story." I love it because it's one of the ways I like to think of God. . . as master storyteller, plot-twister, dialogue-dancer, script-breather, soul-lover, word-wizard, and best of all. . . "author and perfector of my faith."

I was recently reminded of this "life story" button when I interviewed for a job. It was a much-hoped-for administrative church position that had been on my radar for 3+ months. It wound up being a dead end. Expectations dashed, a three-day funk took over (to the point where I didn't shower and I let my three year old watch cartoons for two days running). Only then did I dare pray. "God, for 7 years I've been begging you for change, and you always seem to take me down the same old path of poverty," I snapped. "What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?"

Laying there on my red couch, watching re-reuns of "Can you Duet," I heard God say, "Rewrite your story."

Now, for most writers "rewrite" is not a happy phrase. It's not a welcome word. It's hard to go back, pick a story apart, re-imagine it, let it morph into something new. It's easier to edit, shift paragraphs around, or simply write a new lead, but to REWRITE?

It feels like starting over.

Hmmm. Now there's a thought.

Still on my red couch, trying to pray my way through this funk, REWRITE broke through cloudy thinking like a ray of sunlight. Instantly I thought, "Yes, Cheri, if you want to start over, you've got to change the story you've been telling yourself (and others). It's all wrong. Check your facts. Rethink God's creative presence in your life. And definitely get rid of the opening line with which you ALWAYS start. . . For the past 7 years. . ."

For the past 7 years. . . What? Things haven't gone my way? I've been on my knees with no response? Everybody else is racing ahead in life and I'm stuck in the ditch?

Not entirely.

Flipping to a clean page in my journal, I started to re-write my "seven-year story." In black marker I scrawled REWRITE in huge letters, thinking "this is my new history."

History: everything that's happened to me in the past.

But also, His-story: God's story, as best I can interpret with simple, earthly, veiled perspective.

Its' been an amazing process. As I rewrite, (in my journal but also in my mind) I'm reminded of God's love. He may be suprising, unexpected, his thoughts higher than mine, but he is also faithful and true. And he's teaching me to a thing or two about what it means to be an author, how to "write [his love and faithfulness] on the tablet of my heart." (Proverbs 3:3)

"Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknessess, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12: 9, 10

So, I'm officially hanging out in (on?) facebook. It's addicting! Setting up a profile page, searching for "friends," creating flair, sending bumper stickers, playing games, sending gifts, posting lists of books read, music enjoyed . What an amazing, interactive, creative, self-thinking, ever-evolving, massively-visited social network! I'm thrilled to be connecting with long lost friends while also interacting with my current friends in a new way.

It blows my mind, and it's fun. . .

but it's also got me thinking . . .about image. . .

"editing" the "face" we show to the world.

How much can a facebook profile capture who we truly are? In an effort to describe our lives and personalities, do we "tweak" information to try and put our best face forward? More than education, or jobs, or favorite activities, or things we read, or "groups" to which we belong, isn't it true that what shapes us most are the painful things in life? We build character, stretch our souls, through the difficult things we experience. . And yet it's the hard-to-tell stories--the real life-giving and life-defining journeys--that are strangely missing from our facebook profiles!

Another thing I've wondered about is the loose use of the term "friends." Why do we try to accumulate thumbnail photos of people like a collection of pebbles, and then display them in a virtual showcase (so to speak)? I've been on profiles where the friend-list boasts photos of more than 300. Why do I feel compelled to grow my list? Do I think that the person with the most friends win?

How much does facebook perpetuate my illusion of "connecting" when in reality it can serve to distance from true, human, face-to-face interactions. The more we depend on technology to engage with others the more we risk missing a warm touch of concern, a raised eyebrow, a loving sparkle in the eye, a tear, a voice that catches with fear, a contagious gut-giggle, a wince, a hesitant glance, a glowing smile--all interactions that feed and grow the soul. I mean, God befriended us by making himself HUMAN. Right?

There's a reason he didn't simply promote his personality on facebook.

All of this reminds me of a quote from Luci Shaw's Friends for the Journey where she confesses a deep longing to meet Jesus in the flesh:

"A kind of envy possesses me, as I think of the disciples. I know that by faith I have the help of God the Holy Spirit, but to have Jesus as my friend, with skin on, with his voice tones and personal mannerisms and unique memorable facial features. . . and then I remember that I do meet Jesus in the flesh, as I hear him speaking from the mouths of my friends, as his love wraps me round in their hugs, their letters, their phone calls, their laugher, their tears."

It's hard enough to journey honestly and humanly in daily situations. I cannot help but probe my own motives: What is my obssessive fascination with a community online?

Is it that ego-protecting need to edit?

At the deepest level, the creative process and the healing process arise from a single source. When you are an artist, you are a healer; a wordless trust of the same mystery is the foundation of your work and its integrity. --Rachel Naomi Remen

Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself. -- Leo F. Buscaglia

The note said, "Happy 40th Birthday, Cheri. May you continue to grow in the knowledge and security of God's love!"

Life has been your art. You have set yourself to music. Your days are your sonnets. --Oscar Wilde